Mixed Feelings
by Laree
Summary: A shared experience brings two of the Seiryuu Shichiseishi closer together.
1. Default Chapter

Mixed Feelings Part One   
  
  


Mixed Feelings   
Part One   
By: Laree McKenzie   
Please send all comments to lareemackie@hotmail.com 

I think true love is never blind   
But rather brings and added light   
An inner vision quick to find   
The beauties hid from common sight 

True Love   
Stanza One   
Phoebe Cary

Whenever Suboshi did something stupid like use his makeup for painting pictures, which he had actually done only the day before, or take some of his clams to use as decorations on a box that he had made for his elder brother, what Tomo usually did was to grab the nearest solid thing that was conveniently at hand, give the boy a few whacks over the head with it then drag him over to his brother where he would yell at Suboshi for being a stupid little fool and at Amiboshi for not being able to keep said stupid little fool under control. 

Therefore, Amiboshi was somewhat surprised that day to see the role reversed with Suboshi dragging Tomo after him, a big smile on his face. His face. Oh gods..." Sh...Shun-chan?" He wasn't sure if this was his brother. Sure the guy had the same sandy hair as him, same build, he could even see bright blue eyes much like his own twinkling with mirth but what had he done to his face?! 

" Hello, aniki! Look what Tomo-sama did!" Suboshi crowed happily, finally letting go of his grip on the older seishi's arm. 

Tomo, rubbing his arm where the boy had held him, scowled down at him. " It wasn't my idea. He just kept annoying me and annoying me until I wanted to brain the little fool. The only thing that kept me from doing so was the thought that Nakago-sama wouldn't be very pleased if one of his seishi ended up dead." 

" And Seiryuu forbid that you displease Nakago-sama, huh, Tomo?" Soi asked with feigned innocence as she examined the tip of her braid. Feeling her fellow seishi's murderous gaze on her, she looked up, and batted her lashes sweetly at him. 

Amiboshi hadn't been listening to the two, by now having developed the ability to tune out their constant bickering. He just stared at his brother, still in somewhat of a shock. " Please tell me this is some sort of illusion, Tomo-sama..." 

" What's the matter? I think I did quite a good job in applying the makeup..." Tomo perused his handiwork thoughtfully, somewhat proud of himself. He had had a hard time keeping the boy still on his chair as he had smeared the various colors on and he thought that he had done very well under those circumstances... 

" Don't I look good, aniki?" 

Amiboshi didn't even grace that question with an answer. It was...strange, to say the least, to see his brother painted in much the same way that Tomo was, and right now, the only thing that he wanted to do was to take Suboshi by the arm and lead him to the nearest pool of water where he would be able to wash himself. An awful thought struck him as he examined his twin: this was what he would look like too if ever he decided to take after Tomo and try his hand on some stage work, which, he reassured himself, wasn't bloody likely. 

Soi watched the boy with some amusement. " What in the world possessed you to do this, Subo-chan?" In her opinion, one painted freak in the group was already more than enough, in fact she would have preferred it if there had been none at all. They didn't need another horny little fag in the group. Tomo kept her on her toes more often than not as it was. 

" I just thought it would be fun if I got Tomo-sama to put his make-up on me." Suboshi explained. He had always been fascinated with the things that Tomo put on his face and had always wanted to watch him putting some on, though he never allowed that. Tomo didn't like anybody looking at his bare face and so Suboshi just immediately assumed that there was something seriously wrong with it. That morning he had caught the older seishi in a particularly good mood after a little tryst with one of the more handsome Palace Guards that had caught his eye and had managed to annoy him into putting the makeup on him. He had enjoyed watching his transformation, though he didn't think he would like putting all of that stuff on all the time like Tomo did. It was really sort of uncomfortable having all of that gunk on his face. 

" Make-up enhances natural beauty, though in the case of these twins, there's not that much of that to enhance in the first place..." 

" Too much make's a person hideous." Soi retorted, wrinkling her nose in distaste as she examined first Suboshi, then Tomo. Particularly Tomo. She had seen the man without all the paint covering his face before through a strange incident and though she had never liked the sight of his painted face, she preferred it that way because he was actually quite beautiful under all that junk, though she would of course never admit to thinking that, preferring to die rather than do so, and she would feel a whole lot better if Nakago wasn't made aware of this beauty. Just in case. 

" And yet you succeed perfectly well in doing that all by yourself, without the help of _any_ make-up!" Tomo commented snidely mentally congratulating himself for winning this round. 

Suboshi prevented Soi from snapping out any smart come backs that she may have had by letting out a loud cackle, quite a good imitation of Tomo's blood-curdling chuckle. " Look at me! Look at me! I'm Tomo!" He raised a hand melodramatically to his forehead and let out a breathy sigh, " Why doesn't Nakago-sama ever notice me? Why? _Why_?" 

" Well, what do you know?" Soi laughed, " The boy has a future on stage!" Suboshi was a constant source of amusement for her and it wasn't often that anybody saw him acting as childish and carefree as this. There was just something about this particular day that had them all on edge. All of them felt as though something important and long awaited was about to happen. They just weren't sure what that thing was... 

" The boy had better shut up if he wants to _have_ a future..." Suboshi had been so engrossed in his imitation that he never noticed Tomo's hand curling into fists by his side and his piercing amber eyes getting progressively narrower and narrower. 

" Well, hey there soldier!" Suboshi went on, not taking any notice of the warning signals and resting one elbow on the table before his brother, a suggestive smile on his face, " You know of me, of course. Tomo, of the Seiryuu Shichiseishi. What say we- Ow." Suboshi glared balefully at Tomo and slunked over to his brother's side. 

The painted seishi glowered down at him as Amiboshi absently ran a hand over the lump that was beginning to form on his twin's head. He hadn't known that Suboshi had been around to hear his little conversation with that delicious little Akito of the Imperial Guards, but the stupid boy had a habit of skulking around the Palace unnoticed. One of the many, many things that he disliked about him. 

" You shouldn't hit the kid like that!" Soi reprimanded him. Amiboshi seemed to tending to his brother perfectly well on his own so she made no move to rise from her place on a nearby chair. 

" And why is that? It never seems to have any effect anyways, hardheaded creature that he is." 

" You can't just-" 

" For once Tomo is right. The boy deserves it most of the time." 

All conversation in the room stopped at the sound of the cool voice, even Amiboshi's murmured reprimands to his twin. The tension became palpable. Nakago swept into the room, gave Suboshi's face a brief examination, a small, somewhat amused smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. " I suggest you wash your face as soon as I finish with you. Though there is little improvement in your appearance even without all that hideous makeup, I think I prefer you that way." 

" Yes Nakago-sama." Suboshi muttered, unconsciously drawing closer to his twin. 

Soi's eyes widened at the sight of the blood that stained one edge of the cloak that the tall blond shogun held in his hand. " Are you all right, Nakago-sama?" 

He raised one eyebrow questioningly. " Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" He followed Soi's gaze and realized what it was that had caught her attention. " But something important did happen today while I was out in the city." 

" And what is that, Nakago-sama?" Tomo asked, his voice a low purr. As usual, the man looked stunning. How he wished that slut Soi wasn't around to come between him and the leader of the seishi. 

" I ran into some men attacking a girl in one of the alley ways," Nakago explained, " A most unusually dressed girl. She is like nothing like I've ever seen before. One might even say that she appears other worldly." 

" Other worldly?" Amiboshi repeated thoughtfully, " Does that mean...?" Suboshi was as unconcerned with this piece of news as always. He didn't see any significance in it and didn't understand why Nakago was even bringing it up. 

" I believe we've finally found the long awaited Seiryuu no Miko." It wasn't often that Nakago smiled and even when he did, it wasn't exactly the most pleasant sight in the world. His smile just seemed...empty. Like his eyes. Completely devoid of anything that might give away any of his emotions. " And just in time too. Now we can take care of the Suzaku menace..." 

" Can we see her then?" Suboshi asked, finally catching onto the excitement of the others. He was curious as to what this girl would look like. Would she be exactly like all the other people in this world or would she have scales, blue skin and six fingers in each hand? 

" Not with you looking like that." Once more Nakago's lips twitched mysteriously. " I don't think it would be a good idea at this moment. She is still in shock and I only came here to get you, Amiboshi." 

" Me, Nakago-sama?" 

" Yes. Your skills can finally come to some use. Follow me." 

Suboshi scowled as he watched his brother trail after the blond shogun at a respectful distance. " How come he gets to see her and I don't?" He asked nobody in particular. Amiboshi got all the breaks. He had really wanted to see this Maiden. " Hey, Amiboshi, be sure to tell me everything you can about her!" He called out before his twin was out of sight.   


~**~ 

His brother was going to be very disappointed. He knew, from past conversations that Suboshi expected the Seiryuu no Miko to look strange or at least different from what they were used to in this world but to Amiboshi she just looked...well, normal. 

He examined her closely under half lidded eyes as he played his flute, the haunting melody echoing throughout the huge chamber that the Seiryuu no Miko had been placed in. She was really quite pretty, he thought, despite of the ugly bruises that marred her face. Poor thing. How horrible it must have been for her, being brought into a new world, the first people she encountered being a group of thugs and now she had Nakago to contend with in the bargain. Well, at least he would be there to help her adjust somewhat. Suboshi and Soi were pretty agreeable too. He wasn't so sure about Tomo. Or Nakago, for that matter though he guessed that the Shogun would do nothing to harm her, as long as she was useful. 

He wondered when she would wake up. He wanted to know so much about her! He wanted to ask her all about what her world was like and how she planned on bringing peace to Kutou. He would have to get to know her. He was her warrior after all. 

He stopped playing his flute at that thought, a small smile touching his lips. The Miko had finally arrived. This was it. This was what he and his brother had been waiting for. From now on, everything would be all right! 

" Amiboshi." 

At the sound of the familiar voice, he abruptly wiped the foolish smile off his face, and brought his flute up to his lips once more. Amiboshi winced as he let out an unpleasant, piercing note, not having had the time to recover himself upon hearing Nakago addressing him. 

" You appear to be losing your touch." The shogun commented as he came to stand beside the younger seishi. He looked down thoughtfully at the girl lying on the bed. Good. At least she was asleep now. 

Hesitantly, Amiboshi asked him, " Do you think she will be all right, Nakago-sama?" He squirmed slightly under the piercing blue gaze. 

" Of course. She has to be." He replied matter of factly, as though there was no doubt about this at all , though really, she was in rather bad condition. He had been just in time to prevent those men from taking advantage of her but he hadn't been able to stop them from doing any damage to her entirely. " She will-" 

" Nakago. You haven't introduced the two of us yet." 

He frowned slightly at this interruption though when he turned around to face the person that had spoken to him, his face had reverted to it's usual expressionless mask. " Forgive me, Heika." 

Heika? Upon hearing this, Amiboshi dropped immediately onto his knee. After a few seconds, he risked a glance upwards, curious to see what the Emperor of Kutou-koku might look like. He immediately redirected his gaze to the marble floor though, when he saw a leering, flabby face staring right back at him. Well, he had expected an Emperor to look somewhat more noble and...handsome than that. After all, weren't they always hearing about the beauty of that Emperor of the Southern Empire? 

" His name, Nakago?" The Emperor Shoukitei wet his lips slightly as he glanced down appreciatively at the kneeling figure of the boy. How could he have missed this one? He was really quite beautiful with his tawny hair and slim, well formed body. His gaze drifted over to Nakago. Though of course none could ever compare to the little Hin boy. Pity that he had to grow up. 

Nakago had not missed the man's perusal of the boy and his only thought right now was to get Amiboshi out of there as soon as he possibly could. He could take a pretty good guess at what that dirty old Emperor was thinking. " Amiboshi of the Seiryuu Shichiseishi, Heika. Right now though, he is needed elsewhere. I will call for you if I need you, Amiboshi..." 

" What's the hurry?" The man demanded, casually resting a hand on one of the seishi's slim shoulders. Noticing that little Amiboshi had gotten somewhat tense, he began to rub the boy's back, which only succeeded in increasing his discomfort. " Your Maiden is here now, Amiboshi." 

" Ye...Yes, Heika-sama." He wondered if it would be awfully rude if he pulled away. Nakago solved his problem though by grabbing his collar and jerking him up roughly onto his feet, ignoring the slightly annoyed look on the Emperor's face. 

" Go now, Amiboshi." Nakago snapped at him, much to his relief. " Tend to Suboshi. I believe he had a run-in with Tomo." 

Why couldn't Shun-chan ever keep himself out of trouble? He bobbed down into a quick bow and made his way towards the door of the chambers as quickly as he could without actually having to break out into a run. He was glad to be out of there, the Emperor made him uncomfortable. 

" What a pretty boy..." The Emperor commented absently as he watched the retreating figure. 

Nakago said nothing. He merely turned to examine the Seiryuu no Miko once more, resolving to himself that he would keep the ' pretty boy ' away from the Emperor Shoukitei from now on. After all, it wouldn't do for one of the seishi to end up hurt. Not while they were still needed.   


  


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	2. Part Two

Mixed Feelings Part Two   
  
  


Mixed Feelings   
Part Two   
By: Laree McKenzie   
Please send all comments to lareemackie@hotmail.com 

" And how is the Seiryuu no Miko faring today?" 

" She is doing quite well so far, Heika, though still unconscious." Nakago replied automatically, his mind elsewhere. He had never liked being alone in the Imperial Suite with the Emperor Shoukitei and he tended to let his mind wander whenever this was the case, just so that he could forget about the memories that were trying to push it's way into his consciousness   
at the sight of the big, canopied bed at one corner of the room. He knew that the old man would be unable to do anything to him now, just let the filthy bastard try, but he always succeeded in making him feel uncomfortable which in turn made him angry at both himself and the Emperor. As he had done every day since he was first brought into the Palace, he vowed revenge once more. For himself and for all of his people that had suffered under this man...no, this pig. 

" That's good. The sooner you find the two remaining seishi, the sooner we can destroy young Emperor Saihitei." The idea pleased him greatly. The rulers of Kutou had had their eye on the neighboring empire for a long time and besides, he had never liked hearing about the handsome teen aged Emperor and how well he was supposedly running things over there despite of his young age. 

" I am already working on that, Heika. Besides, I have several things in plan to delay the Suzaku in their quest." 

" None involving that Amiboshi, I hope." Emperor Shoukitei said, pursing his lips thoughtfully as the image of the boys pretty face came into his mind. " It would be a waste if such a handsome boy was hurt." 

Nakago frowned slightly. He had hoped that the old man would have forgotten about Amiboshi by now but apparently, he hadn't. " Of course Amiboshi is involved, Heika. He is a seishi." 

Shoukitei ignored this. " He is a musician also, is he not?" 

" Yes, Heika." 

" Is he good?" 

" Quite." 

The man's lips twisted into an unpleasant smile, even more chilling than Nakago's own. " I have always enjoyed music. I think I shall like to have his company here later on. After dinner. You will bring him?" 

Nakago wanted to tell the old man to leave the boy well alone, after all, how the hell could he expect Amiboshi to be able to concentrate on his duties as a seishi if he was being interfered with all the time, but he couldn't quite bring himself to. Amiboshi will survive it, he decided, after all, hadn't _he_? And at a much younger age at that...Still, he found himself saying. " I'm afraid Amiboshi is rather busy, sire. I have put him in the charge of the Maiden." 

Shoukitei waved away his protests. He wasn't used to Nakago going against his orders. He had always been quite willing to follow whatever it was that he wanted done. The young man is getting too secure in his importance as a seishi and as the military leader of the country, he decided, though he had no idea how to correct this little problem. He watched Nakago's golden eyebrows furrowing slightly as his cold blue eyes focused on the bed once more. Or maybe he just wanted to spare his little companion ,though the Emperor found this idea rather hard to believe since in all the time that he had known Nakago he had never shown any concern for the welfare of any other person besides himself. " There are plenty of others who are capable of tending to an unconscious girl. Send him to me after dinner. I will be waiting for him." 

" As you wish." He couldn't see why the bastard couldn't satisfy himself with the attractive sixteen year old son of one of the Imperial advisors who was rumored to be the latest of his young lovers but at least he had tried. Of course, that wouldn't help Amiboshi any later on.   


~**~ 

The feel of Nakago's hand on his shoulder abruptly stopped Amiboshi's laughter. Gulping down his last bite of bread, he twisted around to face the shogun wondering what it was that was wanted of him this time. " Yes, Nakago-sama?" 

" You have your flute with you?" 

Amiboshi smiled at this. Of course he did. The instrument was always in his person wherever he went, well, maybe except when he took a bath. " Do you want me to play for the Miko again?" he didn't even have to look over at his brother to see that he was scowling. Suboshi was getting very annoyed at the fact that Amiboshi and Nakago had been the only one of them to be able to see the Maiden. His elder brother's reports about the girl's beauty didn't make him feel any better either. He thought Kou-chan was doing it on purpose, just to irritate him. 

" No. You will be playing for the Emperor tonight." Nakago answered, though he highly doubted that that would be the only service that Amiboshi would be giving the old man by the end of the night. He did not miss the look of fright that briefly crossed the boys face though Amiboshi almost immediately rearranged his features so as not to alarm his younger brother. 

" Is this going to take a long time because my brother and I are going to-" 

" It will take as long as is necessary." Nakago snapped, not wanting to deal with the other nuisance at the moment. 

Suboshi frowned, grumbling under his breath. He had been looking forward to taking a a swim in the lake with his brother. It wasn't as though he could ask Tomo. The guy was always slipping off to be with that soldier doing what, he didn't even want to think about. His aniki had explained such things to him before and as for Soi, she had an aversion to the lake, insisting that the water was filthy. She wouldn't go in there for anything, not even if Nakago asked her too. Well, if that was the case, then maybe. 

Taking his arm in a surprisingly gentle grip, Nakago led Amiboshi away from the dining room without another word. He squirmed uncomfortably until the older seishi finally released him.   
" Nakago-sama?" 

He grunted in response. 

" How...how long do you think I'll have to stay there with the Emperor Shoukitei? I...I don't really...like him, you see..." 

What was he supposed to say to that? He couldn't exactly tell the boy that he didn't like the Emperor either so he kept quiet. Once Amiboshi realized that he wasn't going to get anything out of Nakago, he fell silent too, allowing himself to be led to the Imperial chambers, his dread mounting in his chest. 

They finally reached their destination and stopped before the ornately carved door. Nakago raised his hand and rapped on it sharply a few times before turning to face the boy with him, his cold blue eyes as unreadable as ever. " You will be all right." He told him, though it was obvious from the skeptical look in Amiboshi's face that for some reason, he didn't believe him.   


~**~ 

He kept his back to the door, his flute clutched protectively at his chest as though that would somehow keep the old man away from him. Amiboshi started at the sound of his voice. "Amiboshi! so nice to see you again! Nakago has been keeping you far too busy, I think." 

Nakago, cold hearted slave driver that he was , was still immensely more preferable to the Emperor. " Good to see you too, Heika." He somehow managed to mumble through his fear. This was ridiculous! He had just been called here to play some music, though he didn't know how he would be able to manage that as nervous as he was right now. " What...what would you like for me to play for you?" 

" Must you stay so far away?" 

It took a while for him to realize that this was a question and not the title of a song. He cleared his throat nervously. There was no way that he was going to go any nearer to that man. He shuddered involuntarily as he recalled the feel of the Emperor Shoukitei's hand caressing his shoulder only three days before. " I..." He frantically tried to come up with an excuse for him to stay right where he was, " The...uh, I think the acoustics will be better here..." 

" Is that so?" He laughed softly, enjoying the boy's obvious discomfort. " I don't really care that much for acoustics and such though, so I would prefer it if you came nearer..." His tone of voice left no more room for argument and Amiboshi had to hesitantly comply. After all, how could he possibly go against an Emperor's direct order? 

" Nearer." Shoukitei insisted though Amiboshi was already within his reach. Pretending that the idea had only just occurred to him, he added, " You know what, I think it would be far more comfortable for you if you sat down while you play." 

" Wh...where?" Amiboshi scanned the Emperor's bedroom for a chair. One that was as far away from the man as he could possibly get. 

" Why, right here." He was taken completely by surprise when the Emperor grabbed hold of his arm and pulled him down to sit by the edge of the bed, right beside him. He tried to edge away but a heavy arm around his shoulders prevented him from doing so. It was all Amiboshi could do to keep tears of fright from rolling down his cheeks. 

" Heika, I...I..." 

Feigning great interest, Shoukitei gently coaxed the small reed flute from Amiboshi's tightly clenched fists. " This is what you use to play?" 

" Yes, sire. Can..can I have it back now? So that I can start playing for you?" 

" Oh, don't worry about that. For now, I'd like to get to know you better." He told the boy in a low voice as he pushed his back down onto the bed, barely managing to muffle his shout of alarm with one hand as he did so.   


~**~ 

" Tomo-sama, have you seen my aniki?" 

He was about to give the boy a tongue lashing for daring to just barge into his room like that when he noticed that Suboshi didn't exactly look well. Frowning at the his sickly pallor, Tomo let go of the brush that he had been about to throw at him. " No, I have not." As an after thought, he added. " You should think about going to see the Court Healer, Suboshi. You look even worse than usual." 

" I...I can't, Tomo-sama. Not until I've found my brother..." Though he could see that Tomo had been about to say something, Suboshi turned away and walked out of the man's room as quickly as he could, considering that his body was aching all over for some reason. Tomo had given him a bit of a beating just that afternoon but he couldn't see how that could possibly have caused this. The older seishi actually had quite a light hand, despite of his ferocity so this could only mean that it was his brother that had been hurt by somebody. His eyes narrowed, and that somebody was probably that bastard, Nakago. 

Speak of the devil! As Suboshi rounded the corner, who should he run into but the shogun himself, leaning against the railings and staring absently out into the horizon. " Where's my brother?" He demanded, sounding far more abrupt than he had intended. 

Nakago raised one perfectly shaped eyebrow. 

" My brother. Where is he?" He repeated his question, trying to fight back tears of frustration and bewilderment. Something was horribly wrong. He could feel it. 

Without the slightest hesitation, Nakago answered him. " Why, he is with the Seiryuu no Miko, of course. I asked him to spend the night in her chambers to keep an eye on her." 

" But then why...why do I fell as though he's in trouble?" 

" Merely your twin's senses going haywire, I believe." He replied with a smirk. He had forgotten about the close bond that the two shared. " Go to sleep, Suboshi or at least get out of my sight. I don't want to be bothered with you and your little panic attacks." 

" But aniki! He-" 

" I have already told you that your brother is fine." Nakago snapped, wanting to do away with him so that he could go back to his thoughts, " Stop worrying. He is all right and I assure you that you will see him again tomorrow."   


  


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	3. Part Three

Mixed Feelings Part Three   
  
  


Mixed Feelings   
Part Three   
By: Laree McKenzie   
Please send all comments to lareemackie@hotmail.com

My other fics are [here][1] by the way. 

Nakago rose earlier than usual that morning, having been unable to sleep soundly throughout the night. He told himself that this was because of the fact that he hadn't had Soi to spend the night with and not because of the horrible nightmares of filthy hands grabbing at him, pulling at his clothes and pinning him down that had plagued him on and off ever since childhood and which had returned upon his delivery of Amiboshi to the Emperor Shoukitei. 

Amiboshi. He must go and see to the boy. Make sure that he wasn't dead or anything though he was quite positive that that wasn't the case. If it was, then Suboshi should have been frantic and out of his mind by now. He guessed that the boy had spent his whole night worrying about his beloved aniki. 

Dressing himself quickly and ordering a servant to run a bath, Nakago made his way to the Emperor's bedroom, quite sure that he would be off at the daily morning court which he was actually obliged to attend also. He decided to give it a miss that morning though, thinking that it was more important for him to check on the state that the younger seishi was in. He was still needed. It wouldn't do for something untoward to happen to him. 

Once he set foot in the bedroom though, he found himself unable to move towards the canopied bed, so for a while, he stood there by the doorway, staring at the small figure huddled under the blankets. He didn't want to go in there, he realized, slightly disgusted at himself and his weakness, but who else would? Not Tomo. The man wouldn't know how to handle the situation, he'd probably make things even worse. Nakago almost laughed at this thought. As if he knew how to handle this any better than that painted freak! Suboshi was completely out of the question, who knew what would happen if he saw his brother like this and as for Soi, she'd probably want to castrate the man that did this to her little pet right away, Emperor or not, because though she appeared cold and detached, she was really quite fond of those twins. 

Finally deciding that he had to do _something_ before the others, more specifically, Suboshi, woke up, Nakago resolutely made his way to the bedside and looked down at the boy, who was sleeping fitfully. He noticed coolly that the Emperor hadn't done much damage to his face. There was only one small bruise that colored the boy's temple, easily explainable and which wouldn't cause Amiboshi's brother any alarm. 

Maybe things weren't so bad then...He drew back the blanket to get a better look at the boy's body and despite of his resolve, couldn't stop himself from flinching at the sight. How was he supposed to explain that? Could the kid even _walk_? 

" Damn him." Nakago cursed softly. One of his seishi down just when it was most crucial that they be at full strength. Still, it might not really be as bad as it looked. You bleed an awful lot the first time. He should know. Bending over the boy, he took hold of his shoulder and shook him gently. " Amiboshi...Amiboshi..." He was startled when he let out a loud yell and jerked away from him abruptly. 

He sat there, his back pressed against the wall, large blue eyes, though focused on Nakago, seemed wild and unseeing. " Get away from me." 

" He's gone." 

" I know that but you're really just as bad as him, aren't you?" Amiboshi snarled, pulling the blankets tighter around him. He didn't want to have to face anybody right now. Not even his brother. _Especially_ not his brother. To his horror, he was unable to keep himself from letting out several loud, racking sobs. He thought he had been all cried out the night before but obviously, he had been wrong. He couldn't ever remember feeling this miserable in his life.   
" You...you knew what he was going to do ,you bastard, but you still brought me to him! You knew!" He didn't care anymore what Nakago would do to him for calling him a bastard. Nothing mattered any longer. 

Nakago kept quiet listening to his rather unintelligible babbling. 

" You...you really have no soul, no conscience, you know that? You're really the most vile, most disgusting person I've ever met in my life! Right up there with...with the Emperor! I know you couldn't care less what the hell happens to me or to anybody else besides yourself but...but...You disgust me. Really." Tears blurring his vision, Amiboshi threw his flute towards the general direction of the shogun, who dodged it easily. " I wish I was dead. I wish me and Shun had never met any of you people!" 

" If you've quite finished?" 

Sniffling, Amiboshi ran the back of his hand over his eyes, surprised that Nakago hadn't done anything to him for mouthing off like that and slightly unnerved by the uncanny composure that the man displayed. 

" First of all, wishing yourself dead won't gain any results and I warn you against any steps to hasten your demise. You are still needed. If you can really find no reason to keep yourself alive, think of that idiot brother of yours and of what will happen to him once you are gone. He just may step out of line one of those days without your guidance and I may be forced to, shall we say, get rid of the problem. After all, what will stop me from doing that? What with you gone and all, what will the loss of another seishi matter?" Amiboshi's eyes widened. It was strange how threats of bodily harm never scared him though threats against his twin always brought immediate results. " Second, I couldn't care any less what you think of me, soulless bastard that I am, and third, expect more nightly visits to the Emperor." 

More? Gods, no. He couldn't take any more. 

" Though I don't like the thought of one of my seishi being incapacitated by that man, there is really nothing I can do about it. He has taken a liking to you and once he has his attention set on somebody, it stays there until somebody else comes along." Nakago shrugged carelessly,   
" You'll just have to bear with it until then." It was obvious that he wasn't making Amiboshi feel any better but that had never been his goal anyways. He just wanted to make sure that he wouldn't try anything stupid and try to kill himself. It was also important for him know what was in store for him in the future. 

" I...I won't be able to take anymore. I don't think..." 

" It doesn't matter what you think or how you feel about this. You'll just have to cope. You're not the first person to have to suffer through this. Some weren't able to but others were. They survived, so you will too." How miserable the boy looked, huddled in the bed like that, a pillow held tightly onto his chest. Had he looked like that back then? He imagined so but back then, he hadn't had anybody to talk to him, nobody to tell him what to expect and to just get on with his life. He held a hand out towards Amiboshi, " Now, can you get up? You don't want to stay here until Emperor Shoukitei comes back from morning court, I don't think, and you need to clean yourself up before your brother sees you in this state. Get up. I have a bath ready for you." 

Amiboshi pushed his hand away and tried to stand up by himself, the silken sheets still wrapped tightly around him. He didn't need the bastard's help, he didn't want it. But he was right, he couldn't let Suboshi see him like this, he couldn't let his brother know. 

With a gasp of pain, he managed to struggle to his feet. Feeling light headed, he found himself weaving slightly as he tried to make his way towards the door and Nakago, seeing that he was about to collapse at any moment, came up wordlessly beside him and took hold of his forearm to steady him as he led the boy out of the room, Amiboshi making no protests this time.   


~**~ 

" Aniki! Come on!" Suboshi gave his brother's arm a few good tugs, only managing to get him to crack his eyes open. What was going on here? His brother had never been one to stay in bed the whole day, as he was doing now. " You told me yesterday that you would go for a swim with me and we couldn't go 'cos you had to play for the Emperor so I thought we could go now. We have nothing better to do." Still getting no reaction, he suddenly remembered the feeling of dread that had suffused him the night before but he shrugged it off as unimportant. After all, his brother would have told him if something had happened to him. 

Amiboshi pulled his arm away abruptly and turned his back to his brother, not wanting to see him right now and wishing that he would just go away. The last thing that he wanted was for his brother to be made aware of what had been done to him. No, Shun-chan won't find out, he resolved to himself, I'll make sure of that. He had always shared everything with his brother before but this...just not this. " I'm tired, Shun. I can't." 

Plopping down onto the side of his bed, Suboshi looked down at him, finally concerned. " Aniki, what happened? Yesterday, I-" 

" Nothing happened yesterday." Amiboshi snapped suddenly, pushing away the hand that his younger brother had placed on his back. " Why do you always have to meddle into the business of other people, Shunkaku? That's why Tomo-sama is always annoyed with you!" 

" Kou-chan!" But this time, his hurt and bewilderment had no effect on his elder brother. 

" Go away, Shun. I want to rest. Just go away..." 

" But ani-" 

" Do as your brother asked, Suboshi." 

Why did Nakago always have appear at the most inconvenient times and for that matter, why did he even have to interfere in this anyway? Amiboshi was his brother. He had a right to talk to him, if he wanted to, even though he didn't seem up to it at that moment. " Nakago-sama..." 

" If you still want to go for that swim, Tomo here will go with you." 

" What? I..." His words trailed off as Nakago's eyes fixed on him. The shogun had told him about what had happened to the boy and he sympathized, he really did, because he could also recall somewhat similar experiences in his childhood but he wasn't sorry enough for Amiboshi to actually spend the whole day keeping his psychotic younger brother busy when there were so many more pleasanter things that he could think of to do. " Fine. I don't see why I have to baby sit though..." He grumbled. 

" Baby sit?" Suboshi's eyes narrowed dangerously, " Who are you calling a baby, you painted freak?" 

" Watch your mouth, kid." Tomo hissed. He was getting pissed off with him. Here he was trying to help his elder brother out, albeit, a bit grudgingly, and this little bastard repaid him by calling him a painted freak. Well, that was gratitude for you! " Maybe _you_ should be the one taken to Emperor Shoukitei from now on! That should knock some sense into you!" 

" Tomo!" Nakago snapped. " Get out of here and take Suboshi with you." 

" Forget it! I can take myself out of here perfectly well on my own without any help from the fag." Luckily, Tomo's comment about the Emperor hadn't sunk in and Suboshi ran out of the room, Tomo hot on his heels in pursuit. " Feel better soon, aniki!" He remembered to call out over his shoulder as he dashed away.   


~**~ 

Nakago was there again for him the next morning and the next and the next. Amiboshi didn't understand why he was being so attentive, why he thought he could glimpse a look of pity in the shogun's blue eyes every morning whenever he came for him but then, those were always so fleeting that he wasn't really sure if he had truly seen them or whether they were just a figment of his imagination. 

He found that with time, he was able to let his mind drift onto other things as the Emperor Shoukitei made his nightly attacks on his body and one day, much to his horror, he found himself thinking about Nakago, of all people. 

That had kept him up all night, tossing and turning, pretty much forgetting the old man that lay on the bed beside him as he wondered about his fellow seishi. Why was he so concerned? Nakago had always seemed so heartless to him, so unconcerned with the lives of other people and yet here he was, rising early every morning to check on him and to help him to the warm bath that he always had ready for him, every time, without fail. He even seemed to sense the fact that Amiboshi didn't really feel like coping with his brother. He kept Suboshi as busy as he could with chores and had even transferred Amiboshi to another room, despite of his younger brother's pleadings and protests, insisting that since he was the one tending to the Seiryuu no Miko, he should be placed in a room that was somewhat closer to her. He was grateful for that. The more he distanced himself from Shun-chan, the less chance there was of him discovering what was going on. He knew that his brother was hurt that he had been treating him so coldly lately but he thought that this was the best thing to do under the situation. 

When Nakago arrived the next morning, he found a red eyed, blushing Amiboshi sitting up waiting for him. " You look tired." He commented as he came to stand beside the bed, " I'm guessing that you didn't sleep well." 

" How can I?" 

" Good point." Nakago agreed, stretching out a hand to help him out as had become his habit. 

Ignoring it, though not pushing it away entirely as he had done before, Amiboshi rose to his feet, wrapping the sheets around him and scrabbling around the floor for his clothes. Retrieving his shirt, he slipped that on and then his pants. " You don't need to come help me anymore, Nakago-sama. I can handle things now on my own..." 

The shogun watched him a skeptic look on his face as he stumbled, though there had been nothing on the floor before him. " For some reason, Amiboshi, I highly doubt that." He drawled, as he caught hold of his arm despite of his protests. " Though it is good to see that you still have enough spirit left in you to insist on your independence, I still say that that isn't wise." 

" Why do you care?" 

Nakago down at him quizzically. " What do you mean?" 

" Why are you bothering to help me at all?" He asked quietly, his face flushing. This had been the question that had troubled him most throughout the night. " What's it to you? Do do feel responsible because you were the one that brought me to him?" 

" There's no reason for me to feel responsible at all. I didn't bring you to him on a whim, you know. I brought you to him at his request and I have nothing to do with this affair whatsoever but if it makes you feel better to blame the 'soulless bastard' then so be it." 

Amiboshi surprised himself by saying, " I don't blame you." 

Nakago said nothing to this. 

" I was just wondering why you were being so helpful to me and all. I...I don't really think you're the sort of person who would care about..." His words trailed off as he realized that what he was about to say wasn't really flattering. 

" You're a seishi. It's important that you remain in top form." Was Nakago's abrupt answer and for some reason, Amiboshi was disappointed because he had sort of thought that maybe his fellow seishi cared for him even just a little bit. 

  


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	4. Part Four

Mixed Feelings Part Four   
  
  


Mixed Feelings   
Part Four   
By: Laree McKenzie   
Please send all comments to lareemackie@hotmail.com

[Read My Other FY fics][1]

Amiboshi was getting completely and utterly mixed up about everything. There was a part of him that completely loathed and detested Nakago, blaming the shogun for everything that was going wrong in his life , after all, if he had never met him, then he would never have encountered the Emperor in the first place, but then there was that other part of him that nagged at him, told him that despite of Nakago's cold exterior and seeming detachment, he really was truly concerned about him and his welfare and this was what puzzled him most. He just didn't understand why he should start caring all of the sudden.

He remembered the day that he had first encountered the Emperor Shoukitei and how Nakago had hurried him out of the room. He knew. He had somehow figured out what the man was thinking and had tried to spare him, though he hadn't been able to. Still...He had cared enough to try and Amiboshi wanted to know why. 

He soon found out.

Tomo, observant as always, had noticed for the past few days the way that Amiboshi had been acting around the shogun but had thought nothing of it thinking that it didn't really mean anything, at the moment. His interest was piqued once more, though, that day when Nakago came seeking him out to talk to him about some matter involving the Suzaku Shichiseishi that they were currently holding captive. Amiboshi happened to have been in the same room as them ( Tomo had been telling him about his twin's latest incredible acts of stupidity, thinking that they would amuse him, and once in a while complaining about 'that little slut', though Amiboshi hadn't really been listening.) and Tomo had not missed the way that his bright blue eyes had been fixed on Nakago the whole time, an unusual expression in them that he couldn't quite decipher but which reminded him uneasily of the look of complete adoration that Soi got in her eyes whenever Nakago was around.

He hadn't really been bothered, after all, Amiboshi was just a _child_. What could Nakago possibly want with the scrawny little thing? He had remained unperturbed until Nakago had finished his business with him and turned his attention on Amiboshi, seeming to have completely forgotten that there was another person in the room with them as he inquired after the boy's well being. The sudden softening in the man's tone of voice, no matter how slight, and the fact that he didn't treat Amiboshi like some sort of annoying little nuisance, which was usually the way that he addressed those worthless twins, to quote his words, had surprised and slightly alarmed him.

He cleared his throat after Nakago had left the room, bringing the boy back from his reverie. "Do you think you've stared at Nakago-sama for long enough now?" He asked in an overly sweet voice.

Flushing a bright red, Amiboshi turned to face his fellow seishi. He hadn't thought Tomo had noticed him watching Nakago.

" He's one piece of work, isn't he?" Tomo asked, a dreamy smile on his lips. Even Akito of the Imperial Guards came nowhere near Nakago.

" Wha...?" Amiboshi was flustered, not knowing how he should reply to this.

" He's handsome, don't you think so?" He demanded, delighted at the obvious discomfort of the boy.

Amiboshi merely shrugged. The truth was that he had been thinking that a lot lately, despite of constantly reminding himself that despite of Nakago's outer beauty, he was still a cold and heartless monster inside. This was something that he had found harder and harder to believe as time progressed and Nakago still continued to tend to him each morning even though by now he really had grown quite used to his nightly affairs with the Emperor and had mastered the art of letting his mind drift to other matters so as to keep his attention off the disgusting, grunting pig that pinned him down on the bed.

" Oh, come now, Amiboshi!" Tomo let out one of his unpleasant cackles which always managed to put Amiboshi on edge. " Don't tell me you haven't noticed, what with all the time that he's been spending with you!" He doubted that anybody else had noticed Amiboshi's newfound devotion to the shogun besides himself. Suboshi was just too dense to get anything like that, and as for Soi, she was too concerned about Amiboshi to really care about such things anymore.

" I-"

" I've noticed how close the two of you have become." Tomo commented and added suddenly, as off handedly as he could, " It must be because of the experiences that the two of you share and all."

" What experiences?" Amiboshi asked timidly, finally finding his voice and curious to find out what the man was talking about.

" Why, your experience with the Emperor, of course!"

Amiboshi's cheeks colored at this sudden reminder. Was Tomo serious? Had Nakago really had to go through all of that too? Somehow he couldn't picture the tall, well built shogun ever being weak enough to allow somebody to take advantage of him in such a way.

His fellow seishi had noticed the skepticism on his face. " Hard to believe as it may be, I assure you that I am only telling you the truth. The Emperor has had his way with many of the attractive young men in the Palace, therefore, I am sort of puzzled as to why he chose you to be his little plaything of all the people here, not that I'm saying that I find the prospect of being with the that slob appealing at all. He has no delicacy whatsoever, as I'm sure you know by now. One of his past lovers, and I believe, his absolute favorite, is our esteemed shogun himself. It's common knowledge around here and I'm actually surprised that you didn't know about it..."

After a while, he realized that Tomo actually was being serious and that he was telling the truth, hard as it was to swallow. " But Nakago-sama would never allow something like that to happen to him!" He pointed out. It was too ridiculous, the thought of that fat, slob of a man getting the better of somebody like Nakago.

Tomo shrugged as he examined his long, perfectly manicured nails. " What could an eleven year old Hin boy, who just had the rest of his people brutally slaughtered do against a big, all mighty Emperor?" He answered.

Amiboshi could feel his chest constricting at the thought of an eleven year old Nakago going through what he was doing at that moment. He could understand the terror, the confusion that must have overwhelmed him and the shame. That was the worst part of all. The feeling of shame that you had been unable to do anything, that you had allowed yourself to be dirtied. "Nakago-sama..." He whispered softly, his eyes downcast.

" It's nothing to be sorry about, Amiboshi. Look at Nakago now. His past only managed to make him stronger. Desire for revenge does that to people. As for you, I see that you've finally managed to wean yourself away from that twin of yours ,which is good. It isn't a good idea to be too emotionally attached to anything, or anybody. That will be your downfall." Amiboshi felt a twinge of guilt at this. He had been avoiding his brother lately and had hardly seen him for the past week. He knew that Shun was hurt and confused by this and he wished he could just tell him what was troubling him but he just couldn't bring himself to. He knew that his brother was likely to go crazy if he found out and when he was consumed with blood lust, Suboshi lost what little he had in the way of rational thinking. " That's why I think it would be wise for you to forget whatever it is that you may be feeling for Nakago-sama."

What he was feeling for Nakago...What exactly _was_ he feeling about the man? Gratitude, certainly, for being there for him every morning, a little anger and...He forced his thoughts to trail off on this subject, fearing what else he might find. " I am grateful to Nakago-sama and I-"

" You feel more than gratitude for him, I believe. I know about these things. You think that just because the man is paying you some attention, that that means that he likes you." Tomo leaned closer to the boy, his elaborately painted face only a few inches away from Amiboshi's now, " I am sorry to burst your happy little bubble, Amiboshi, but you couldn't be further from the truth. That man cares for nobody. Not even that bitch that he beds every night. Everything he does, he does for his own benefit. That's what makes him so strong..."

" You're wrong!" Amiboshi protested hotly, though he didn't exactly know whether he was denying ever having had any feelings for Nakago or whether he was disagreeing to the statement that Tomo had made about the shogun caring for nobody.

" Am I, Amiboshi?" The older seishi asked archly, settling back down on his chair. " If you think that Nakago is doing what he is out of concern for you then you are seriously delusional. He is only looking out for you because you are needed if we are to summon Seiryuu. If something untoward happened to you, it'd be a major setback to him. That's why he's been so damn concerned about you so stop fooling yourself kid! To Nakago-sama, you're nothing more than a worthless, annoying little child."

Unable to take any more of what Tomo was saying to him, Amiboshi pushed his chair back from the table and stormed out of the room, telling himself that what Tomo had said had had no truth to it whatsoever.   


~**~

He had been standing there for a while now, listening to the boy playing his flute and still he had not noticed him, engrossed as he was in the haunting melody of the tune that he was coaxing out of his rather battered reed instrument. It wasn't until Nakago had turned away to move off that the sound of his cape rustling against the floor made Amiboshi look up, slightly startled. "Nakago-sama!' He exclaimed, his cheeks flushing with pleasure, quite unbeknownst to himself.

Nakago's first thought was to ignore him, to proceed on his way to his intended destination and yet, he still found himself turning around to face the boy sitting on the railing, his back facing out into the Imperial Gardens. After a short, uncomfortable silence where both of them didn't know what to say, he finally spoke up with first thing that came to his mind. " You're brother is very irritating."

Amiboshi just blinked at him uncomprehendingly, not understanding what he was getting at.

" He has been asking us all about you constantly. I think it best that you spend some time with him. Before he begins to act even stranger than he's doing now."

" I can't." He muttered, looking down at his hands which were twisting restlessly on his lap. " He might-"

" Find out?" Nakago finished for him, " I hardly think he will. He's gone for this long not noticing anything. He is only being suspicious because of the fact that you've lately been avoiding him. Once you allow yourself to settle back into your normal routine, he won't worry any more about you."

" I guess that makes sense." Amiboshi admitted.

" Besides, I hardly think it would affect the way that Suboshi looks at you even if he _did_ find out." Nakago pointed out. 

" I know that but Shun would get so angry..."

" He's a very angry person. That's all the more reason for you to be with him." He wasn't used to giving out advice like this. He was more comfortable snapping out orders. He was just surprised that the younger seishi actually appeared to be listening to his opinions about this personal matter. He had expected Amiboshi to tell him to stay off his personal business.

" I guess I'm actually lucky to have Shun-chan with me, aren't I? At least with me, I have my brother and...and you to help me through all of this..." He blushed slightly and risked a glance up at Nakago through his shaggy bangs to see how he would react to this but his expression was unreadable as ever. " But you... I don't know how you could have cope with all the things that the Emperor did to you on your own..."

" What?" Nakago's lips pulled down into a frown. 

" Oh...Nothing." Amiboshi bit his bottom lip agitatedly. He had never considered the possibility that Nakago might not want anybody to know about the secrets of his past. 

" So the bastard told you all about me, did he?" He could see immediately from the boy's discomfiture that he knew pretty much everything but why should he mind? The past was the past and held no relevance to his life now.

The bastard. Deciding that he was referring to The Emperor and not Tomo, who Amiboshi did consider a bastard too, as a matter of fact, he corrected him. " No. It wasn't him. The Emperor didn't tell me anything about you. It's just that, well...everybody around here knew that already and..." Gods. Wasn't he doing just _great_? 

" Is that so, Amiboshi?" His tone had suddenly turned cold, the way it used to be before.

" Nakago-sama! I'm sorry I mentioned it. Really." He took hold of Nakago's sleeve, wanting to apologize, to try to make it up to him for being so stupid and not thinking before blurting things out but the shogun just pulled away, taking no heed of his sincere apologies.   


~**~

What the hell is going on here? Suboshi watched as his brother sank back down onto the railings, shoulders slumped, his eyes trained on Nakago's retreating back.

" Stupid. Stupid. So damn _stupid_!" He could hear Amiboshi fuming at himself as he beat his balled up fist against his thigh. 

Why the hell was his brother all worked up over Nakago-sama, of all people? And in the first place, what had he been doing acting all friendly towards the man? The shogun had never been one of Amiboshi's favorite people, he knew that. He had often complained to Suboshi about how much he disliked the man so what was he doing having such an intense conversation with him?

Weird things were going on.

The night before, feeling lonely and wanting the company of his twin, Suboshi had sought out Amiboshi at his new room and had found nobody there, despite of the late hour. He had even checked the Maiden's chambers to see if maybe his brother was in there but he hadn't been so where had he spent the night then?

" What's happening to you, aniki?" He murmured softly as Amiboshi once more raised his flute to his lips and began to play a hauntingly beautiful tune to calm himself, " What are you keeping from me?"   


  


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	5. Part Five

Mixed Feelings Part Five   
  
  


Mixed Feelings   
Part Five   
By: Laree McKenzie   
Please send all comments to mackie@Phreaker.net

All right! So. I'm finally back! I'm so sorry that it took so long for me to get this part out but, here it is finally! Lol. If anyone cares!   


It had been another exhausting day in a long line of them. Alone in his room, with nobody to fool with his unfailingly passive expression, Nakago let out a soft sigh. Walking over to his dresser after stowing away his heavy armor, he stared at himself intently on the mirror. The day had taken it's toll, he thought with a small smile. He scrunched his forehead up experimentally, searching for any unsightly lines that might have made it's appearance and seeing none, for the moment anyways, proceeded with his nightly rituals.

The Emperor was angry and when the Emperor was angry, he made everyone in the Palace suffer. It seemed as though the Imperial Fat Slob had gotten the news that the Suzaku Shichiseishi were lacking only one warrior as of this day, compared to the Seiryuu's two. They were missing Chiriko while the Seiryuu were searching for Ashitare and Miboshi, and of course, since he was the leader of the seishi, he had been the one to take all the heat.

Nakago had been very tempted to just blast the Emperor to hell as the man ranted and raved at him about his ineffectuality and his inability to complete such a simple task as finding two people. The thought that the Emperor would end up there sometime soon anyways had kept him from doing so but he had been so close! It would have been so easy for him to just get rid of the man, right then, right there. After all, the Lords of the Palace wouldn't have minded so much if the Emperor Shoukitei met a sudden demise. The man's extravagance was running the Empire to ruins, the peasants were unhappy and he was the one who controlled the country's military. Everything was set for his takeover so what was keeping him? 

" I want him to suffer." Nakago said out loud to the empty room. Revenge wouldn't make his past any more pleasant than it had been when he looked back at it but it would make things feel so much easier. That man had wiped out a whole race of people, a way of living, a whole culture. Nothing would ever bring that back, nothing would ever make up for the abuse that he had suffered under the hands of the Emperor, but he could at least have his revenge. Eventually. He just had to bide his time.

As for now, he had to mollify the Emperor somehow. Indulge him and let him think that he was still very much in charge when for the past few months or so, it had been him running Kutou.

He wasn't overly worried about the Suzaku Menace, as Emperor Shoukitei referred to the situation. He didn't think the people of the Southern Empire posed much of a threat, especially not since they held one of the Seishi, Tamahome, and the Sacred Scroll .But he still had to devise some sort of ploy to appease the Emperor, though at the moment it seemed as though the scales were pretty much tipped to their favor.

It had been a stupid move on the Suzaku's part to allow Tamahome to come to Kutou as a hostage. What was one village when compared to the power that one could gain upon the summoning of the god? But then it was their misfortune that Suzaku just happened to be the patron of love. By now he had figured out that those people acted on their hearts. A stupid thing to do in a situation such as this.

Human emotions made you weak. Feelings such as love, pity and concern clouded your judgment, made you stupid and vulnerable. He had always managed to distance himself from everybody and anything, that had been what helped him rise to where he was now, so he was somewhat surprised by the way that, for the first time in years, somebody had managed to worm his way into his life.

He allowed this trail of his thoughts to peter off, not liking what it implicated. No. He was the same as always. Nothing in him had changed.

The sound of a flute drifted in from his open window. Amiboshi off again having one of his midnight concerts, Nakago thought, as he tried to work up the annoyance that he usually felt whenever the boy disturbed the nighttime peace with his incessant playing. He was unable to do so. Lately, he had come to actually like the comforting strains of the flute. It brought him some comfort, as it must also for the younger seishi.

Without thinking, not exactly knowing what he would do once in the company of the younger seishi, he followed the sound of the flute until he found Amiboshi, sitting on a grassy knoll by a group of willow trees that he had noticed was a favorite haunt of his whenever he wanted to go off for some solitude. He had been observing Amiboshi a lot lately... " Amiboshi? Do you really think it's wise to play your flute this late in the night when Tomo has been in such a bad mood all day?"

Startled from his music, Amiboshi let out a jarring note on his flute, his frown eventually turning into a hesitant smile when he saw who it was. Nakago couldn't remember the last time that anyone had smiled at him with true warmth. " Nakago-sama! What are you doing here?"   


~**~

It wasn't true. It couldn't be true. There was no way in hell that that painted freak was right about this. He knew perfectly well that Tomo laughed at him because of his gullibility, but even he wasn't stupid enough to fall for such a stupid suggestion. " Does he think I'm a fucking spaz or something?!" Suboshi fumed, drop kicking his pillow, imagining it was a little Tomo that his foot made contact with instead of the soft, feather filled pillow. He proceeded to pace around his room, kicking the pillow around before him while cursing Tomo profusely under his breath. If his brother had been around, he would have told him off for using such foul language, Amiboshi was like that, always acting like some sort of mother hen, but the thing was that lately, his brother _hadn't_ been around. " _But it's not because of what that perverted freak thinks!_ "

There was a loud rapping on the door. " For the love of Seiryuu, Suboshi! I have to sleep. Even the perverted freak has to sleep! Will you give it a rest? You've been thumping around there for _hours_ now! _It's the middle of the night_! If I have to electrocute you to within an inch of your life to get some quiet, I bloody well will!"

Letting out a loud cry of frustration, Suboshi leapt onto the fluffy white pillow and proceeded to stomp on it mercilessly. The door flew open, Soi stood there, bolts of raw energy crackling on her hands. " _What is the matter with you_? Have you finally lost your mind?!"

He jumped one more time on the pillow, before finally kicking it aside and glaring at Soi, his chest heaving with exertion.

" What's wrong, Suboshi?" Soi asked once more, her tone of voice softening slightly when he saw how worked up he was.

He didn't really think that Soi would want to hear about Tomo's suspicions. He would have loved to march over to that bastard right now and maybe cut him up a little, just enough to really hurt, but nothing fatal. He wasn't sure that Soi would be able to restrain herself though, when she heard about the things that that freak was saying. " It's nothing. I was just thinking about something is all, but it's really nothing. I'm just really worried about my brother is all." At least this was a half truth.

" Oh. Worried about Amiboshi, huh?" Soi bit her bottom lip, wondering how much the boy knew about his brother and what was going on. Of course the kid would know that there was something fishy going on, they were twins and they were extremely close after all, but she didn't think that Amiboshi really knew what it was that was bothering his brother. If he had, then he would probably had done something stupid by then, like try to attack that perverted Emperor. " Listen, about your brother, just try to be patient with him for a while. I know he hasn't been acting like himself lately at all but...He'll get over it. He will. I'm sure."

" But what is it that he needs to get over? Why won't he tell me anything anymore?"

Soi shrugged, backing towards the door to make her getaway. She really did need her sleep and she didn't think it was a good idea for the guy to find out about what was going on from her. " People change, Suboshi-chan. Good Night."

He scowled after her as she departed. He had the weird feeling that the others were keeping something very important from him. Something that would explain his brother's unusual behavior as of late. But what was it?

How was he supposed to sleep when he had all of this crap running through his mind? He already had enough trouble drifting off as it was ever since his brother had changed rooms, a fact that he had been mentioning a lot lately in attempt to make his brother feel guilty and now he had this to think about! Thinking had never been one of his fine points either!

He frowned as he was able to make out the faint strains of his brother's favorite song. So the guy was still awake. Dare he go and confront him about this or would he just sound stupid and succeed in embarrassing and angering his elder brother. He didn't need that. Things between the two of them were already strained enough as it was!

Soo...Basically, things can't get any worse than they are now! Suboshi told himself, frowning. And he really did need to find out the truth about Nakago and his brother! Was there really something going on between the two as Tomo had implied, or was it all a product of the man's twisted imagination? The only way he would find out was if he asked directly because he didn't think his brother would volunteer information any time soon, so it was either he ask him flat out right then or just spend a sleepless night of wondering...So, his curiosity getting the better of him, he decided to just go right out to the garden and confront his aniki.   


  


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	6. Part Six

Mixed Feelings Part Five   
  
  


Mixed Feeling   
Part Six   
By: Laree McKenzie   
Please send all comments to lareemackie@hotmail.com

This was the last thing in his life that he expected to see. So, all right, he had been warned by Tomo but he had never actually considered the possibility that the painted freak might have been right about everything. 

He stopped in his tracks, his eyes fixed on Nakago and Amiboshi as they conversed. But it wasn't as though they were making out right in front of his eyes or anything. They were just _talking_. There wasn't anything wrong with just _talking_ after all! Maybe they were just discussing some more plans to torment the Suzaku or something...But then, he's never seen his brother looking like that when Nakago was talking to him. Plus Amiboshi wasn't really the plotting type so they couldn't be talking about that!

So what was it that they were discussing so seriously? He moved in closer to find out...   


~**~

" So, when do you think we'll find the other two then?" Amiboshi asked worriedly. What if they didn't find Ashitare and Miboshi in time? What would happen to them?

" You have nothing to be worried about." Nakago replied, sounding as self assured as always, " We will be complete very soon. Even if we aren't, we _are_ detaining Suzaku Shichiseishi, Tamahome."

" Yeah, but we you can't do anything with him." The younger seishi pointed out, " Yui-sama won't let you."

" Yui-sama can be persuaded."

Dropping his gaze, Amiboshi buried his hand in the grass, a small frown forming on his lips. He just couldn't get this guy. Sometimes he appeared so thoughtful and considerate and   
and then other times, he was cold and ruthless. Which was the real Nakago?

Nakago had noticed his sudden silence. " I do what I have to do." He berated himself after he he had blurted this out. He didn't need to explain himself to this boy! He was the most powerful man in Kutou after all! He could do pretty much whatever he wanted without reprisal.

" Nakago-sama...why?"

" Why?" Nakago repeated in puzzlement, his brow furrowing in thought. He wasn't sure what the boy was asking...

" Why...why are you still doing the Emperor's dirty work for him?" Amiboshi finally continued after a while. He watched Nakago warily, afraid of what the older man's reaction might be to this but there was nothing. He just stared back at him with his piercing blue eyes, making him feel distinctly uncomfortable. " I...I'm sorry about that, Nakago-sama. It was a stupid question..." 

" Not at all." 

Amiboshi stared at him in surprise, as though he had suddenly grown a second head. He didn't even know why he had bothered to ask him that. He hadn't even thought that Nakago would actually answer his question.

" You, of all people should understand this, Amiboshi." Nakago said, pausing for a few seconds to consider how he should start. " Every night, while you're with the Emperor, what gets you through it? What helps you you to keep on going even though sometimes you really feel as though it would be better for you to just end everything?"

" What you said about my brother, Nakago-sama." Amiboshi replied, his face darkening at the thought of Suboshi. He missed his brother so much! He supposed that could be easily fixed by just approaching his twin since he had been the one who had distanced himself, but he was afraid that he might just break down and tell Shun-chan everything. " Shun-chan still needs me. I have to be here for him for as long as he does."

Nakago nodded. " You have your brother. That's what kept you going. Seiryuu knows that that little idiot needs you! He'd get himself killed if you weren't here to keep him away from Tomo!" Amiboshi chuckled at this, " As for me, Amiboshi. _I_ didn't have anybody. I had no brother. I had no family. My mother was dead..." No use elaborating on this and telling him exactly _how_ she had died... " My people were gone and I had nobody to turn to here in the Palace. I was alone. So I held on to my anger. That was the only thing that got me from day to day."

" So you're angry at the Emperor but you're still helping him?" Amiboshi summarized. He didn't get the man's reasoning.

" I have my own plans, Amiboshi. You will see soon enough why I am allowing him to lord it over me right now." Nakago told him, his eyes focusing on the group of stars that formed his constellation, " The Emperor will pay for what he did to me. And to you."   


~**~

The Emperor will pay for what he did to me...And to you...

Nakago's chilling words replayed over and over in his head as Suboshi lay on his bed, staring thoughtfully up at the ceiling. He had a sneaking suspicion of what it was that the Emperor had been doing to his brother and to the blond shogun. He wasn't stupid. He knew about these sort of things! How could he not with Tomo around?

He wiped away angrily at a tear that tracked it's way down his cheek. His aniki! How dare that man touch his aniki in such a way! He was going to kill him! He was going to slit his throat and watch him die! He would butcher that bastard like the disgusting pig that he was...But how could he? He would probably just end up getting hurt, even worse, killed if he tried something like that. Sure, the people here had pretty much all had it with the fat bastard but no matter what, he was still the Emperor. He wasn't afraid of dying, not if it was for his brother. It was just the thought that his twin might be left all alone that kept him from jumping up and going directly to the Imperial Chambers to slaughter the man.

Scowling darkly, he floated his Ryuuseisui over to him and glared down at them as he held them in his hands. Miserable bastard!

So this was why the guy had been acting so strangely the past few weeks! Now that he knew the truth about his brother, he couldn't blame him for the way that he had acted. He was still a tiny bit hurt that he had turned to Nakago instead of him. He couldn't understand it. So, all right, they might have had the same experiences and everything but he was still a creep and he was still Amiboshi's brother! 

There was something that confused him, though. Nakago. He had seemed different in the way that he had treated his brother. He hadn't exactly been _nice_. There was more chance of him seeing Suzaku come flying out of Nakago's ass than actually seeing him nice. But he hadn't been his usual curt self while he had been speaking to Amiboshi. Hadn't acted at all condescending, as everybody around them tended to, because of their youth.

He had actually been listening to Amiboshi. Nakago never listened to anybody. Sure, he pretended to when it came to the Emperor but he was used to having people listen to _him_. Not the other way around!

" I just can't let that guy get away with this..." Suboshi decided finally, his hands clenching by his sides. " I can't just let him keep on doing this to my brother! No way! I have to stop this somehow! But the point was how exactly was he supposed to do that? He had already decided that he couldn't just go right up to the Imperial fat slob and just kill him. That plan made the most sense to him but even he realized that this wasn't exactly the best of times for that. He and his aniki could always just run away from the Palace, away from all these people that he wished they'd never even met in the first place, but he knew that Amiboshi wouldn't go for such a plan. He was too loyal to the cause of Seiryuu. He would never just leave his fellow seishi hanging like that, not even if he didn't care the least for any of them...Except maybe for that Nakago...

He shuddered at the mental image of his beloved twin in the shogun's embrace.

Gods. If ever he needed his twin to confide in it was now! He needed to hatch some sort of plan to get his twin away from that bastard and Seiryuu knew that he had never been a brilliant strategist. But he knew someone who was...

Now, if he could only muster up enough courage to approach Nakago...   


  


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